RAMBLINGS OF A RACONTEUR

Great white hunter

How can taxpayers, nosy parker media types and other councillors expect Coun. Norm Kelly to travel without the Mrs. in tow? Kelly travel detractors are nitpickers and small-minded. When on the former Toronto Harbour Commission in 1998, Kelly racked up $26,306 in travel expenses. Spots visited by the globetrotting married couple included London and Belfast in June 1998, then on to Boston, Baltimore and Chicago. In addition to taking photos for their travelogue, KellyÌs official function was to "review waterfront developments." The Scarborough-Wexford councillor, who voted in favour of paid travel for commissionersÌ spouses, was unapologetic about seeing the world on the public purse. "IÌve met so many small-minded, nitpicking people that, at times, itÌs depressing," he lamented to the Toronto Star. "Here I am hunting elephants and some people are worried about bunny rabbits."

Politically Correct Moose Bureau

Now that Coun. Sherene Shaw has perhaps inadvertently opened up the 'Politically Correct Moose Bureau' with her laments about the exclusion of girl moose in Mel's Moose Mania Campaign, cultural workers are in a frenzy to turn out more appropriate P.C. mooselings. To represent the visible minority faction, there could be a moose decked out in dreadlocks. For the same reasons, a sprinkling of turbaned moose could be in order. A moose with a missing hind leg could serve to represent the physically challenged. Perhaps the antler-hunting mobs could be of some real use in this quest. Mentally challenged moose could easily represent members of the entity known by constituents as "those idiots on Toronto city Council."

Believe it or not Bureau

According to his colleagues, Coun. Raymond Cho "never reads his agenda." No one was surprised when Cho moved a council motion calling for a report on how four cities who have special Charter City status get along with their home provinces, already had the report on his desk. Even so, councillors voted 29-24 to give Cho the report he already had. Now we know what the anonymous source meant when stating: "If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".

A fibreglass mayor

Are we the only ones who are tired of seeing moose every time we turn a corner in downtown T.O.? It finally happened-- the Toronto Fire Department spent $6500 of taxpayers' hard earned money to purchase their own moose.

Of course the TFD justifies this public expenditure by peppering the statue with safety slogans and calling it educational. This is an election year and it is only a matter of time before city councillors will be buying their own tax funded moose to put "re-elect me" signs all over it. It is hard to believe that tourists would actually spend money to come here to see these things.

What will the city do for an encore? Perhaps next year we could fill the downtown area with 300 live moose--and get a fibreglass mayor.

Run once; run often

Markham MP Jim Jones was tossed out of the Tory caucus when he announced that he would seek both the PC and the Canadian Alliance nominations for the next federal election. The only person in recent memory to become an ex-Tory involuntarily was shocked at Joe Clark's actions.

Perhaps the MP should seek the Liberal and the NDP nominations as well.

Why take chances; run for the Green and Natural Law parties. The way he's going, he'll be pretty hard to beat.