Security & Fraud

Gar Mahood would be proud of me

I don't really celebrate the traditional New Year's. For me, the year begins the day after the Super Bowl and for that reason, I refrain from making any New Year's resolutions until that time. Well, the game is over and my time is up. There will be no more putting it off. Today, I have to quit smoking.

Quitting smoking is a surrealistic experience and, the last time I did it, I believe I saw God. It is a very difficult endeavor and there is no smokers' anonymous, no friends of smoker's groups to help you along the way. If you're a smoker, you're pretty much on your own when it comes to quitting. Except for advice, there is plenty of that. Drink lots of water to flush the nicotine out of your system. Eat carrot sticks and celery sticks so you don't replace smoking with fat foods. Use the patch, use the gum, get hypnotized or let some one drive long thin needles through your earlobes. For me though, it's cold turkey. And, while I'm quitting, I don't give a damn what I eat.

When quitting cold turkey, your addiction takes on a life of its own. It's hard to explain if you have never had one, but the addiction can actually converse with your mind. You'll be going along, making out O.K., then your addiction will try and slip in a little suggestion to your mind. Something along the lines of "you know a cigarette might make you feel a little better." Now your addiction makes this suggestion as though it was the most innocent little suggestion, as though there's no harm in it really, it's just a little bit of fun between the mind and the nicotine. Who could get hurt? Your addiction covertly places this suggestion in your mind. If you're not sharp, it can skip right past, undetected and the next thing you know you are standing in the parking lot of the convenience store with a DuMaurier hanging out of your mouth.

It's kind of like subliminal advertising. Your addiction keeps sending a message to your mind: "Smoke, smoke, smoke--it's so wonderful and peaceful. Hey, remember how calm you used to feel, remember the control you had?" Your addiction sends these messages quietly. So quietly they hardly even register in your mind. Your addiction hopes that just by sheer volume, eventually your mind will receive one of these messages at a weak moment and it will strike a chord. Your mind will reason with your addiction.

But the most evil way your addiction communicates with your mind is with reasoning. Your addiction will present logical, valid arguments to your mind in support of why you should light up again. "Well, you're not going to be successful anyway, why put yourself through this hell, light up now." Or, "sure you can quit, but right now just isn't a good time." Or, "why not wait until after the Super Bowl, or my personal favorite, "you know you can control it, why not have just a few a day... maybe just when you have a beer."

Man, I hate New Years.

Bill Joynt is a well-known private investigator with The Investigator's Group in Toronto. He can be contacted at 416-955-9450 or by e-mail at billj@investigators-group.com.